


Steel As Ephemeral As Petals And Blood

by taichara



Category: Dragalia Lost (Video Game)
Genre: Journals and Diaries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taichara/pseuds/taichara
Summary: The problem with knowing whatcouldhappen is that you second-guess everything thatdoeshappen.  Audric knows this all too well.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Unsent Letters 2020





	Steel As Ephemeral As Petals And Blood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kalloway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalloway/gifts).



The touch of Zodiark's hide beneath his hands still registered, phantom-like, on Audric's skin as he trimmed the lanterns in his quarters -- the shutters of his window latched firmly shut -- shrugged out of his outer layers of clothing, and lowered himself to the chair at his desk with a slow pained sigh that belied his still-new age. Not physical pain; he'd escaped the day's skirmish with little more than bruises, and the Halidom's cadre of healers took care of those in an eyeblink. No, this was his more usual lingering ache, the kind that couldn't be magicked away quite so easily.

Nothing but time, and contrition, and duty were going to make a dent in it. 

All of those, and the pouring out of his stolen days in small brief torrents of ink.

Oh, how dramatic. 

Audric chuckled wryly at his own melodrama and gave his current inkbottle a careful little shake to stir up the contents, then checked his pen's nib and opened the battered tome to the next bit of blank parchment. There were some things he wanted to remember more clearly, and others that he just ... well, he needed to work out his thoughts on some matters, and some things were still best worked out alone. It wasn't even _only_ his need for secrecy; the Halidom was, frankly, just that filled with well-meaning meddlers.

Some things needed to be meddled with by a much lighter touch. Such as, perhaps, what Audric had witnessed earlier that day.

So he dipped pen into ink, and ...

_Today was a quiet and illuminating one and I wonder if I'll sleep at all tonight._

_The Empire's fiends struck another village, in itself no great surprise. There were blessedly few casualties and Euden and his companions rallied the villagers quickly. I expect there will be a celebration amidst the grieving, again, and I will have to find another means to decline the invitation if I ever wish to sleep again._

_More interesting than fiends and village graves and rebuilding trellises, was seeing the Halidom's resident conductor pick up, not only his staff, but a sword fumbled by one of the villagers (a retired mercenary, by the look of her). The monster hardly saw him coming. I think that none of us did._

_Vixel looked almost embarassed when he returned the blade to its owner, and I can speculate as to why. The future is not, entirely, a different world, after all, and while I hoped it would not come to this, here we are. Perhaps. He may yet change his mind; he may not, but it might not matter._

_As long as I am here and Euden is on this path and no other, it shouldn't matter._

_But I think I am adding another point of observation to my growing list, and Zodiark agrees. A healer returning to his bloody-bladed ways is a grim omen. A man who avoids speaking of his past picking up the weapon of that past might be more so._

_I hope I'm only thinking of what lives on in my dreams._

-*-

Normally Audric wrote in the evening. Normally.

Normally he wasn't reminded quite so viscerally of what he'd left behind as he'd been scant hours ago -- of who he'd left behind. And who had been forced to flee before him, before he'd relented --

That was the wrong path for his thoughts to take. Better to just pour them all out now, have it be done with, and hope that he wouldn't be haunted later by something so harmless. Because there _was_ no harm, no real harm, in refreshing old skills; no more than there was harm in reaching out, however awkwardly, to another human being, and answered in turn.

That last should be -- was -- a good thing. It was hardly _their_ fault that _he_ was dogged by a future that was long past and buried.

The flash of swords in a practice ring, the sounds of soft laughter and low chuckling, flickered through his thoughts and Audric swore at himself as the first slashes of black ink graced the parchment.

_Another piece of the future fell into place today. Possibly. I need to remind myself not to assume that what happened will happen, or happen in the same way, or ~~mean my sin is coming back to~~ create any effect that I should concern myself with._

_Now I'm ranting in my own private book. How terribly I've fallen apart._

_So Vixel's taken to, for whatever reason, adding sword forms to his morning routine, something I know purely by happenstance (I hardly expected to stumble across him in a practice ring at the break of dawn). You can see that he's somewhat out of practice, but strong in muscle memory and very well-learned in the way of bladework of a far more pointed and practical kind than what we fools are taught at the knees of noble tutors. He was very good at it, if I am any judge. Good enough to attract the attention of Ieyasu of Hinomoto, who was pleased to join him. I had the impression it was not the first time, either._

_It's reassuring and harrowing in equal measure to see the two of them begin to associate._

_I am not passing judgement. What they do, or do not, with their time is no business but their own, and the difference lies in the details that I don't see, that no one sees. But I cannot help but remember, and wonder, at where this path may lead._

_Did you survive? Did you find refuge somewhere, somewhen, that I didn't have the time -- the time! -- to dare to track down? Or are your bones lying unmourned somewhere in the Empire with all the others?_

_I suppose I need to choke down my ill-ease and accept Vixel's martial turn. If the worst comes to pass he'll need his sword arm again to defend someone grown unexpectedly close, for good or ill. His sword and his staff. Not even soulpacts could survive that madness my failure caused._

_I wonder what Marishiten thinks about it. Perhaps I'll ask Zodiark if he's heard aught about it._

_If only this, like so many other small things that are so very big, results in a far better future than what I've come to avert._

_I must continue to do what I can, not just for Euden, but for all that I've failed once already. I should be the one to wield that sword._

... Not the most useful of entries; but then, few of them were, practically speaking. Audric skimmed over his work with a jaundiced eye and sighed. But, better to have it out now, locked into pages meant for no other eyes, than to add it to the nest of guilty vipers gnawing on his guts.

Maybe it would turn out better this time.

Maybe Vixel would not need to return to his old ways.

Maybe Ieyasu would not need Vixel to do so; will not feel the need to encourage anything but sparring beneath the blossoms brought from his homeland.

... Maybe he himself would remember to not turn into even more of a meddling old fool.

Audric set down his pen. And leaned back in his seat, to stare into the lantern's soft light.

Time was supposed to bring answers.

If only he knew how much of it he really had.


End file.
